My Immortal
by D. Lynne
Summary: [Based on the Evanescence song] Ever think Kagome's death would never matter? Think again. [R-R, thanks]


Disclaimer: Anyone refusing to believe that I own InuYasha will be dragged to hell by Kikyo. ^-^'  
  
This was originally the second chapter to a story I was writing… but that… fell apart… Here you go.  
  
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I'm sitting in that clearing… the same one. That haunted, bloodstained clearing. Where Kagome… died. She just died there in my arms, and I couldn't do anything. Why, I don't know. I don't even know how long it's been. After leaving her someplace safe, I soon found myself back here. Without her. Again.   
  
But how dare she? I ask myself. How could she have done this to me? Or at least herself? Even with all my anger I still sit there in fear. In fear of everything. What will happen to me? Sounding like a selfish fool, I want to move; I try to move… but I just can't. I guess it is pointless. It's not like it would make any difference…  
  
{{I'm so tired of being here}}  
  
{{Suppressed by all my childish fears…}}  
  
"Please, leave me alone," I cry aloud out of nowhere. "Leave me alone." I wait, and I listen. But then only comes the same cold wind against my face. I told myself a long time ago that I would never have to have this feeling again. It makes me sick to my stomach just remembering that shit of a promise I thought I could keep.  
  
{{And if you have to leave}}  
  
{{I wish that you would just leave}}  
  
But, in that wind, I feel something I've never felt within it before. I can feel her. She's still there. Fuck you; I don't care what you tell me, I -know- she's there. She's with me. But… why? Can't she just leave me alone?   
  
Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me again. Making me believe things just so I can keep the last bit of sanity I have left. But I swore, maybe even only for a minute, I could feel her cool, fragile hand dance across my face. But reaching up to touch her… I'm alone again. She was never there. And so I fade back into reality.  
  
{{Because your presence still lingers here}}  
  
{{And it won't leave me alone}}  
  
Sure, something like this had happened before, and I got a lot of crap from that. But that was different. That was then, this is now. I've gotten over that for the most part… But it hurts a lot more when you just realized how much you love someone, and then they kill themselves-- with your own sword. That's an image I could never forget. Just to go out looking for her, only to find my Tetsusaiga in her hand, as she lay there, dead. I know she wasn't dead yet, as she at least got to say goodbye to me. 'Goodbye, InuYasha.' Her voice won't go away. 'You'll always be with me…' she said. How can I believe that as I sit on the ground poisoned with her blood?  
  
{{These wounds won't seem to heal}}  
  
{{This pain is just too real}}  
  
{{There's just too much that time cannot erase…}}  
  
I promised you I would protect you. I promised you I would take care of you. And look what happened. I was always by your side, the shoulder to lean on when you were having a bad day, the one to be your friend when you thought you didn't belong. I bled for you, I cried for you. I would have given up my own life for you. But now, I guess I can't anymore, can I? That was a long time ago.  
  
{{When you'd cry I'd wipe away all of your tears}}  
  
{{When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears}}  
  
I believed I could live eternally. There in your arms, I believed you would always be with me. All our memories, all our all laughs, pain… they all seem so far away now. Like a dream. And here I am, the dream being turned into my own personal nightmare.  
  
{{And I've held your hand for all of these years,}}  
  
{{But you still have…}}  
  
Where am I? I ask myself again. Of course, I know where I am sitting upon the forest's clearing… but -where am I?- I feel lost without her. I'm not me. I'm living somebody else's life, I know it. This can not be happening… I don't want to believe it. I can't.  
  
{{…all of me}}  
  
…You know that old saying, 'You don't know what you have until it's gone?' I never believed in any of that shit. It was pathetic words to me. But now I realize, that maybe they're right. I want her back. I just loved Kagome so much. I want to feel her in my arms again. I want to hear her happy voice call out my name. Is that so much to ask?  
  
"You really don't care, do you?" I ask the air around my head. "You don't even know." High and holy Gods, my ass. Whatever happened to them? Everything's a lie. She's gone. I have to keep repeating that to myself just to believe it. I don't even feel like I could do anything right now. I just sit here to myself, crying like some idiot with a dead girlfriend.  
  
{{You used to captivate me}}  
  
{{By your resonating light}}  
  
{{Now I'm bound by the life I left behind…}}  
  
"Get away from me!" I growl softly. Suddenly, all of my tears feel like blood upon the ground. The weak and stupid fool that I am, I just want to cry so much. For her sake, my sanity, and hoping it will make this just -go away-. But I can't. The more that comes out, the more it hurts. The terror just seeps into me, not letting me have one independent thought to myself. Yep, She's still there…  
  
{{Your face, it haunts}}  
  
{{My once pleasant dreams}}  
  
{{Your voice, it chased away,}}  
  
{{All the sanity in me}}  
  
"Whatever happened, Kagome?" I say to her dead soul lurking around me. "What happened to you? Why did you do this to me?"  
  
Feh; Just let it fall down on me. Keep feeding the pain, fading the last bit of optimism I could possibly have. Go ahead, worked, prove your undying hatred against me. This won't happen again, I swear it. I can't let it. I loved Kagome for all I was worth, and there, she just slipped away. You think I could overlook that and move on? Hell, I'd kill you all and then some if just only to bring her back. I don't want to keep having this feeling every time I think of her. It hurts. Badly. Like all you ever cared about is raining down on you… drowning you till the day you die. No matter what you do, it just won't get away.  
  
{{These wounds won't seem to heal}}  
  
{{This pain is just too real}}  
  
{{There's just too much that time can not erase}}  
  
I love you, Kagome. I really do. And this is how you repay me for all I've done, for you? You just decide to shove a fucking sword in your chest and give up? I thought I could trust you. Hell, I could repeat everything you love, everything you hate, forewords, backwards, and over again. But now… I'm not sure I even know you. Do you notice how much that kills me? I at least hope…  
  
{{When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears}}  
  
{{When you screamed I'd wipe away all of your tears}}  
  
{{And I've held your hand through all of these years}}  
  
{{But you still have…}}  
  
{{...all of me}}  
  
Get the Hell away from me, Kagome! I don't want to feel this anymore. I can't take it. "I can't take you…" If that's the same Kagome that I still know and love, then why won't she go away? Her of all people should know how much this torments me. I don't want to drown under your cloud anymore. If you're supposed to be gone, why can't you? Do you still have something against me? Is that what this is all about? I hope not; I don't want history to repeat itself all over again in this sham of a life I have…  
  
{{I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone}}  
  
{{But though you're still with me…}}  
  
Nevermind… just, nevermind. I don't see what I'm yelling about. You're gone, you're dead; nothing but a lifeless body and a painful memory. I know it, you know it, the world knows it. It's like nothing ever happened. Not with you, Kikyo… anything. I doesn't even matter now. I must have wasted my whole life on the both of you. I finally think I fall in love, something goes terribly wrong, and one of us ends up dying one way or another. And then I met… you. Kagome, my first love's so called, 'reincarnation'. Sure, I acted like I hated you, but there was always that small fire inside of me burning. Burning for attention.  
  
For you. I finally came to my senses only… a while ago, I guess. I guess I was just too caught up in my own twisted emotions to notice anything. That night I just said I was going to get some firewood. You nodded at me, Sango and Miroku just sitting near the dim fire talking softly. It took the two of them long enough. Only gone a few minutes, walking alone, there was that voice in the back of my head. 'Tell her' it told me. I tried to fight it off for a while, but it got the best of me. I decided I was going to confess right then. I could have cared less if you felt the same way. I just needed you to know. Thank the gods if you really did though.  
  
But when I came back… you were gone. I thought you might have just went out to find me. 'Miroku, where's Kagome?' I asked him. He didn't know. Miroku actually thought she was there the whole time. That bastard. Though I guess I can't blame him. And after that… that's when I found you. Here comes that haunting feeling again. Why revisit something that's already been done?  
  
But it didn't matter, now did it, Kagome? Nothing ever did to you. You got to take your easy way out. What about me? You left me all alone here. Nothing matters. iNothing matters./i  
  
{{…I've been alone all along...}}  
  
Just leave me. Leave me to cry, leave me to sob, leave me to mourn over you. That's all you wanted, right? Just pity after you leave. So we all realize how much we miss you once you're not here anymore…  
  
Well, guess what? It's working! You can stop now. You can get out of my thoughts, out of my memories. I don't want to remember you any longer. If it means to feel this way every time I bring up what a great time we had together… I don't want to remember.   
  
{{When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears}}  
  
{{When you screamed, I'd fight away all of your fears}}  
  
{{And I've held your hand through all of these years}}  
  
{{And you still have…}}  
  
"Take me with you." I sink my head deeper into my chest. If all to find you… and find myself.. I'd give my own life. Which is probably the right thing to do right now. What do you expect me to do?  
  
{{All of me……}}  
  
That will have to wait. I know I have something, besides to do right now. I sigh weakly and get up, not letting myself see past the hair in my face. I don't want to see where I am standing. I don't want to know what happened. I just want to leave…  
  
…Why did you do this to me, Kagome? 


End file.
